The Feeling of Not Belonging Anywhere

A common issue that I often encounter is clients feeling as if they fit nowhere. They have nowhere that they feel they belong. This is what trauma does to us. It robs us of our ability to connect with others. This is especially true when it comes to complex trauma survivors. Often times survivors feel permanently damaged, like no one would ever understand their struggle. There is this feeling of being different from others. Different in a negative sense. Sometimes survivors even feel like they may contaminate others just by being close to them. Even in a group of survivors, one can still feel different, perhaps even comparing trauma, thinking others have it worse or that others didn’t have it quite as bad. 

In treatment settings and around providers, all of this can feel rather complicated. Many survivors have experienced misunderstandings, feelings of rejection from providers, treatment settings, safe houses, among others. What is a survivor to do when there’s no place for them? I think the truth is that for some survivors there are not services that exist that people desperately need. I think the truth is that there are certain services which survivors desperately need that do not exist. For instance, to my knowledge there is not long-term residential treatment for DID and there are very few inpatient hospitals that effectively work with DID. This is an issue I would like to address later in my career. 

These difficulties accessing care and support contribute to pre-existing shame-based belief systems. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you haven’t felt there is a place for you. I believe this is a huge part of what you need. If you are a person that feels out of place, like there is no where to go for you, I want you to know that you are not alone. Although I can’t promise you that we provide all the services that you need, I hope that you can feel a sense of belonging at Safe Haven TS. You are welcome here. We work with difficult issues. If we ever refer you out or to a higher level of care it is solely for your safety and so you get the best care you need. It is never a rejection. It is never because we don’t want you. I’m sorry if you have felt misunderstood, rejected, abandoned. We will do the best we can to meet your needs now and to provide more services in the future as we grow!

I believe we are all more alike than we are different. You are NOT alone. There are others just like you that feel the way that you feel. Look for ways that you have things in common with others. I’m sorry if you’ve had to fight alone or fight through the barriers to accessing care, but I hope you keep fighting. You are brave and strong and can survive this too. There are places you belong even if you haven’t found them yet.